Madispace

This might be the hardest decade of my life, and whoever said these would be the best years of my life was full of shit…but maybe you can learn from me

I remember in my late teens and throughout young adulthood I always had this picture of what my life would look like and where I’d be. And gosh, how wrong I was. I guess having those dreams wasn’t a bad thing, it just showed how much hope and faith I had in myself and in my future. But it wasn’t until my early 20’s when I began to feel disappointed that my life was not the way I had planned. As if that was even in my control in the first place. That was just it though, I really believed that I could control my future and because I continued to not reach these unrealistic goals I started to doubt myself, blame myself, and shortly after that I began to believe that I wasn’t worthy of those things.

At 27, I now know how sad that was. At such a young age and still so full of life I judged myself instead of taking care of myself. Instead of tending to the broken parts of myself. If I could’ve just told that version of me that I would be so proud of who I am today then maybe I wouldn’t have hated myself so much.

Then again, I needed to lose myself to find myself.

Because had I not went through the rough experience of healing and growth I don’t think I’d be who I am today. I wouldn’t appreciate this version of myself as much as I do. I wouldn’t have the friends that I have, the empathy that I have for others, and I wouldn’t be so strong in my faith had I not hit rock bottom. So over the years, here are some things I’d like to share that I have learned as I’ve paved my way through my 20’s:

1. It’s never too late to become who you’re meant to be.

and yet, so many of us live like time is a closed door. I know I did. Somewhere along the way I think we always just thought the rule was if it hasn’t happened by now, maybe it never will. Like the versions of ourselves we once dreamed of have expired. Like we missed our one shot at becoming something more. But thats not true at all. You’re allowed to wake up one day and just decide this isn’t what I want to do anymore with my life. Maybe you crave something more and you want to chase after it. You’re allowed to decide that maybe what you wanted before isn’t what you want now, afterall, you’re a different person now than you were when you first decided all those years ago. We change, grow, shape, and evolve every day. Why would you not expect your longing and soul to do the same? I realized this is my life. My one and only life to live. Why would I waste it out of fear of starting over, the embarrassment & judgement of others, the dissapproval of family members, my reputation. I was afraid of the change it would take.

I thought I would need to start from scratch, when instead I was starting from experience. One of the best things you can do for yourself is not hold yourself back from the life you deserve because your’re afraid of what others might think.

2. your health is so important

Taking your health seriously in your 20’s will lay the foundation for your well-being. You have to look after yourself. It is not normal to be run down all the time and find your days leaving you exhausted. Listen to your body and mind and don’t ignore any discomfort there. Rest when you need it. Physcially and mentally. Take sleep seriously. Drink a ton of water. Eat whole foods and less processed. Take the mental health day when you just don’t feel 100%. Take your vitamins and exercise daily.

What you do to your body now will set you up for your physical health for the rest of your life. Educate yourself by reading articles, books, listening to podcasts. One of my favorite podcasts to learn about the nervous system is the Huberman Lab. Take care of your skin, trial and error what works for you.

When you feel hot, you look hot.

Holding onto anger is like poison in your body. It usually is the big emotion hiding a much smaller one behind. Learn to listen to it and feel it. Then let it go.

Humans are creatures of habit and routines. So find a routine that suits you and stick with it. Your excuses to not follow through will be there, but thats when you have to do it anyway. Motivation comes after action.

3. time passing is not an apology, being self aware is cool, and staying ignorant isn’t

I’m sure you’ve heard “love thy neighbor”, right? One of the greatest commandments. Found in the Old Testament under Luviticus. I was never a big fan of this commandment to be honest. Not because I didn’t belive in it, but because I was so awful at it. It is really hard to love someone you do not know, someone you dislike. I could love my friends all day long, celebrate them a thousand times. But love someone whose hurt me? Love a random stranger off the street who I just watched steal something?

One of my absolute favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors resonated with me to my core, “God didn’t give us neighbors to be our projects; He surrounded us with them to be our teachers.”

If we all stopped viewing each other as a project to fix and started looking at what we could learn from each other, I wonder how different this world could be.

And for me, that shift changed the way I loved people(and myself).

For a long time I thought loving people meant tolerating whatever they handed me. Staying quiet. Making excuses for the way they treated me. Turning the other cheek even when my dignity was the one getting bruised. What I’ve learned is that loving your neighbor is truly difficult when the world is so cruel back. All the more reason to be the kindness of course. But I learned that I could be kind and still have boundaries. I could forgive and still decide they don’t get the same access to me anymore. I could love them while still holding them accountable. That is truly loving your neighbor. Not trying to fix them, not trying to change them, but just choosing to learn what they were meant to teach me.

This also taught me that learning to apologize comes with self-awareness. I would apologize for things that were never mine to carry. I said it solely to keep the peace and soften the tension. I thought being apologetic meant I was kind. Which it does, but not in the way I was using it. In a silly way, I would even apolgize for them because I knew they could not. Isn’t that crazy? I learned the hard way that when someone chooses not to acknowledge the weight of their actions or words, it speaks loudly about how they view accountability and how they view you. It is never too late to say sorry to those you love. Just the other day, to give you an example, I called my dad for something. We got off topic from what I initally called about and he just randomly apologized for some things in our past that he knew had affected our relationship. Without getting into it, those things he left untouched for years. It obviously never left my memory because it shaped the way our relationship became, but it was clear to me it never really left his either. And how sad that I realized he had been carrying that with him all this time. Letting it weigh him down. Although, I’ll never truly know why he held out for so long, I have my suspicions, but that’s not what this was about. It took a lot for him to tell me that, and that’s all I needed. The shift in how I viewed him after that moment I don’t think he’ll ever understand & the level of respect we have now between us. The courage and braveness I know it took to come out of whatever shell he’s been hiding under. All for 2 simple words that moved mountains for me. So I guess what I am trying to say is, you never know how far your apology and accountability will go for someone…and for yourself. Apologies have no expiration date. ❤

Being on the other end of that teaches you a lot. It teaches you how deeply acknowledgment matters. How powerful ownership is. How much respect lives inside a simple, sincere “I’m sorry.” The amount of peace I’ve felt after owning up to something I did to hurt someone or maybe I could have handled it a little differently than I did, was endless. And I gained their trust instead of breaking it. Time may move on, but that doesn’t always mean healing followed it.

That said, I don’t believe most people are trying to hurt others on purpose, but at this point in time it’s just as hurtful to yourself as it is to others to not grow. To not use your resources that are so easily found at our fingertips to learn. I mean we literally have AI now. So much is already either written about or can be found on the internet. My point is, choosing to be ignorant just isn’t cool anymore, if it ever was. It is one of the most attractive traits to have as a person in any type of setting. At a certain age, it’s time to be more self-aware, and learn how to be a better neighbor to one another.

4. leave the first time

If it does not serve you, then walk away. This goes with all relationships, friendships and your job are included.

When people show you who they are, believe them. And don’t stay for their potential.

5. making friends is hard, and keeping them is harder

One of the most challenging things in my 20’s was making friends. I moved to a big city not knowing a single person and made a few friends off a popular app, which slowly turned into more friends and soon I had a circle of really cool people. That was in my early 20’s and I can honestly say I am not close with a single one of them now. Some I’m aquainted with, but most are no longer part of my life.

I’ve learned that you really are the company you keep. Some people made choices and said things that didn’t sit well with me or aligned with who I wanted to be, so I stepped away. Some just didn’t deserve a place in my life at all, even from a distance, so I removed them completely. And some stepped away from me, which was its own kind of loss. But I had to accept that we just didn’t align anymore, and that was okay.

Bottom line – making friends is hard, and keeping them is harder.

November and December are months that shine light on gratitude. To spend time with those you love and be thankful for their company. And coming to the end of a really rough year for me, it has made me reflect heavily on the friendships I have found in my late 20’s but specifically, this year.

One I met almost 4 years ago(maybe more) at an influencers event ‘Fun on Weekdays’ that I spontaneously bought a ticket for last minute. The purpose of the event was to make friends, but I never intended to make a lifelong one. Another I met at an old job, and we actually could not stand one another in the beginning. I wasn’t always a great friend either. I’ve come a long way in learning how to be a better friend and once we learned more about one another, I instantly knew I wanted her to be by my side on my big day. And another, my soul sister, I met randomly at a bar after a date had gone terribly. Why we both ended up there that night, I’ll never know. But that’s where I found my best friend. A sister to me at heart, just in friend form. I left the guy on the dance floor and joined her instead.

Three incredible women. My large circle of three, crafted so quietly behind the scenes of my life. God’s timing is mysterious, but somehow always exact.

You may not meet your friends at 22 or 23, but you might meet them at 25 or at 27. These women have taught me what real friendship looks like. The kind you don’t just fall into, the kind that you choose over and over again.

Another one of my favorite quotes says, “You can’t expect to have a village if you aren’t being a villager”, and that really reshaped the way I view friendship. Because real friendships take effort. They take showing up when life feels heavy. They take grace and understanding when one of you is struggling. Real friends will push you, challenge you, celebrate your wins, cry with you, laugh with you, and check you when you need it.

Sometimes you won’t hear from them even after the 4th txt, still continue to check in on them. It’s hard getting out of bed sometimes, let alone responding to a message. Be sure to ask them how they are and if they need anything. Listen to your freinds. Write down the important dates that they may have mentioned to you. Like a date they’re going on – to ask how it went. Maybe a big test they’re stressed out over. They mentioned that they had a bad phone call with their mom – check in a day or so to see how they’re feeling after. Because we all have our own lives and the easiest thing you can do for a good friend is to just listen and be there for them when they need you.

Be gentle with each other and lean on your friends. So many people are afraid to be real and raw even with the ones closest to them. Support their hobbies and take interest in the small things.

One of my friends loves to journal with things she collects from places all over and she’s so good at it, while another is insanely talented and can draw or paint almost anything. I love all of their unique hobbies and even if it’s nothing I am good at, I still show up and take an interest. Because that’s what love looks like in friendship too.

6. build a life for yourself and by yourself

This is your opportunity to establish a lifestyle you want for yourself that you can maintain by yourself without having to rely on someone else for it. Create the life that you love and that you’re proud of so that when you are looking for someone to settle down with they have to add value to it since you are already providing the life for yourself that you want.

Learning to be okay with being alone is so important and I think this really taps into that. When you build your own foundation, you stop settling out of fear. You stop compromising just to keep someone. You gain independence, confidence, and a deeper sense of secuity in yourself.

This doesn’t take away from love, it actually strengthens it. Because when you know you can stand on your own, you choose relationships from a place of fullness, not from a place of need.

Ask yourself this, if your partner ever left you, would you still feel okay standing on your own?

That answer matters.

7. romanticize everthing

I think this is important because it helps me find meaning in the small moments of my life. It helps me to stay soft in a world that wants to harden me. It regulates and grounds me. And it forces me to actually live inside each moment instead of rushing through them.

The key to this is presence. It’s not about the aesthetic or how pretty something looks. It’s about noticing the small things that we tend to overlook.

Light a candle and put on music while you cook or clean. Be thankful that you can move your body and take care of your space.

Notice how the light hits your wall in the mornings. The quiet stillness before the day starts.

I have a cat that likes to sleep with me and I just like to sit in silence with him sometimes and watch him. The way his orange swirls all throughout his coat and the way he tucks his paws under himself while he rests. I am thankful that I get to enjoy those quiet, sweet moments with him.

Get or make a fun drink on your way to work. Work from home or in a cubicle? Make it your space by adding a few of your favorite things to it. Notice the warmth from your coffee and be thankful that you get to work.

Wear the cozy cute matching pj set in your closet.

Drink your drinks out of a fun glass.

Romanticize your wind-down routines with low lighting, a warm tea, skincare routine, put on a lotion that makes you smell good, a big robe and fuzzy socks. Light a candle, and take that time to read a book and not your phone. Take that time to take care of yourself and find gratitude in the calm after a chaotic day.

Take more bubbles in your baths and more podcasts with your walks. Take deep breaths and check in with yourself. And if you like to, journal. Hand write your thoughts. Even something as simple as just talking through your day can be healing.

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My late 20’s have taught me that becoming who you are means learning and relearning. Pivoting when life comes at you. It’s realizing that boundaries can exist with love, that friendships take work, that independence builds confidence, and that presence makes life feel fuller. I dont have everything figured out, but I finally trust myself enough to keep going. And honestly, that might be the biggest lesson of them all.

With love,

Madi